


Beaten, but not yet Broken

by fallenshivers



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Angst and Feels, Bottom Dean, College!Castiel, Druggie!Dean, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, Feels, Fluff and Angst, Human Castiel, Human Dean, Hurt Castiel, Hurt Dean Winchester, Implied Benny Lafitte/Dean Winchester, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Protective Castiel, Rape/Non-con Elements, Recreational Drug Use, Top Castiel, Triggers, college!dean, tw: rape/non-con
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-12
Updated: 2014-08-12
Packaged: 2018-02-12 21:56:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2125998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fallenshivers/pseuds/fallenshivers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean and Castiel are in college, long term boyfriends and currently living together in an apartment. Until one day Castiel has had enough of Dean with his partying and excessive drug use. He walks out on Dean for good until he gets the phone call. The call that changed everything. After that call Castiel knows he needs to save Dean, not only from his bad habits, but also from Alastair himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Beaten, but not yet Broken

**Author's Note:**

> There are triggers in this fic, so if you're not into that, please leave now. I don't want to be the reason as to why someone may get triggered. There is rape/non-con right off the bat, but that doesn't last long. The fic will get better, and won't have as many triggering aspects later on, but until then, there will be rough patches then Dean and Castiel will have their good spells.

Dean knew that coming to this party was a bad idea. He fucking knew it. He should be in his apartment, trying to figure out how to apologize to Cas about their stupid fight. But no, he was out with his friends, trying to forget about his boyfriend - his ex-boyfriend. Castiel had walked out of his apartment, and said he couldn’t deal with it anymore. And, shit, he knew that he should have bailed the minute Alastair showed up with his boys, but he couldn't help himself. Generally, they knew how to have a good time, and for a bit it had been, they'd brought some of the good stuff and Dean had never been able to say no to it.

That was the reason he and Cas had argued, Dean's constant partying, and the fact that in a drugged up state he'd accidentally slept with Benny. It had been an accident, he hadn’t been in control of his own mind and he loved Cas, but he'd fucked up badly and he knew it. But then things just went south fast enough to give him whiplash. So here Dean was, trying to get down the hall of the house he'd showed up at with everybody else, only to have a table snag one of the rips in his shirt, courtesy to Alastair himself.

God, he felt disgusting. He could still taste the vomit in his mouth, he could remember how the bastard fucking tasted when he'd been forced again the wall, his shirt was ripped, and he was cold. Christ, he needed to get out of here, but he couldn't hardly see straight, so he called Cas. The Novak would help him out here, even if he was angry. He tried to call him but he didn’t pick up, "No no no," Dean whispered slumped against the wall pathetically.

Gabriel had said that Cas was currently bunking with Anna Milton, so he dialed her. "He doesn’t want to speak to you." Anna's harsh tone graced him as she picked up on the first ring, so Cas had clearly been ignoring him.

"Please, please put him on, I need his help," Dean whispered his body trembling, he wasn’t sure if it was from the cold, the shock, or the drugs. He was such a mess. "Please Anna; please let me speak to him."

Castiel watched as Anna got up to answer the phone. They were relaxing for the evening watching a movie and eating some popcorn when the phone broke the silence in the other room. Who on earth could be calling, and at this hour? Castiel shook his head and popped another handful of the buttery goodness into his mouth.

 

After the most recent fight that he and Dean had, he couldn't handle being in the same place as him. He didn't pack much, just grabbed a few things as he made his way towards the door fleeing from the man he thought he loved. Things had been going downhill for the two of them as of late, but they always managed to get through it, but this time, though, this time it was Castiel’s breaking point. He wasn't going to stand for what Dean had gotten himself into and told Dean he had enough. Before he knew it he was out the door and into the cold night. 

 

He wasn't sure where he was going, but he just kept on walking. Walking until he ran into his friend Anna from his history class. Anna had given him a once over and wrapped her arms around the man.

 

"Trouble in paradise I assume? You can stay with me, darling." She smiled as she pulled away from Castiel and lead him back to her place. He had been there for over a week and a half. There was no working with Dean. He didn't even know where to start. Castiel threw a glance into the other room and watched as Anna's face distorted some as she spoke into the phone.

 

"Who is it?" Cas called an watched as Anna mouthed out the name he didn't want to hear. What did he want now? 

 

Castiel stood up from where he was planted on the floor among their pillows and blankets and strolled over to where she was at. She threw a glance at him and handed the phone over to him.

 

"If you need me, let me know," she walked back over to where they were once sitting and un-paused the movie. Castiel tried to gather his thoughts and took a deep breath before speaking into the receiver. 

 

"What do you want, Dean? Do you even realize how late at night it is? Do you?" Castiel snapped and waited for the other man to respond to him. As he waited he listened to the background noise, it sounded like he was at another party, go figure, there was no surprise there, but he also heard something more. He thought he heard Dean sniffling and try to compose himself over the phone before speaking. His voice was mumbled and broken and he could hardly understand what he was saying between his weeping. "Breathe, Dean, Jesus, what have you done?" 

 

Dean let out a tiny sob that he couldn’t hold back and tried to compose himself before he spoke to Cas. He slumped down on the curb outside the house his head between his knees as he spoke on the phone.

 "I urm I know it was stupid," he mumbled his teeth chattering slightly as he shook from the cold. Well he hoped it was the cold, it could easily be the shock or the drugs. "But I went to a party, Talbot told me there was a real good one going on," he continued glancing around terrified Alastair would come back out and get him again. "And Alastair and his mates showed up and they had some of the good stuff," he admitted his cheeks blushing at the fact he had to admit he'd taken drugs. He knew Cas had kinda left him for that, but he didn’t like saying he hadn’t got better. "Then Alistair said I kept flirting with him but I didn’t mean to, I wasn’t I didn’t think, and he promised me that upstairs he had some really great stuff..." He trailed off and sniffed pathetically. God he was pathetic, "And I was so out of it, so I followed him and then when we got upstairs he- he," a silent sob over came him and he couldn’t finish the sentence. He rubbed his eyes with his hand roughly to make them stop watering.

Castiel did nothing but listen to what Dean had to say. He wasn't sure what to say in response to what Dean was telling him. He didn't know how he should feel about him admitting to still doing drugs, about his still going out and partying like he was a teenager. He wasn't sure how to feel about Dean trying to tell him that he had been raped against his own will. Cas sighed an rubbed his forehead with his free hand. It was so late at night, but he couldn't leave Dean like he was. 

 

"I'm on my way, what's the address? And Dean, be careful until I get there, okay?" He tried to reassure Dean over the phone, he could still hear him whimpering some through the receiver. Castiel hung up the phone and called out to Anna. "I may or may not be back, you don't have to wait up." Cas gathered his keys and a jacket and headed out the door in search of his broken man. 

 

"Whatcha doing out here Deano?" Dean spun around petrified at the voice but it was just Meg.

"Fuck off," he grumbled rubbing his eyes again making sure they weren’t damp.

 "Ali's looking for you inside, says he had some unfinished business with ya," Dean's blood ran cold and a small whimper of fear escaped him. He shifted and could feel the dampness around his thighs, it could easily be cum or blood, as Alastair hadn’t really bothered with lube or a condom. He wished he hadn’t had to call Cas to come pick him up, but Jo was out of town visiting her mom and all his other friends went to these parties. He was so pathetic, he'd deserved to be raped Alastair said. He was being a fucking cock tease apparently, Dean hadn’t thought so. He hadn’t been flirting with Alastair, he still loved Cas after all. But any hope of Cas loving him back was gone now, why would Cas want someone as used and dirty as him. Also Alastair said he should have known he meant sex when he said the good stuff was upstairs but just for him, but he hadn’t. He'd been way too out of it, and all he'd wanted was something to help him forget. Anything to help him forget.

"Well I’ll let him know you're out here," he heard Meg purr mockingly; he let out a broken whisper of ‘don’t’. But she ignored him as she sauntered back inside. He let out another sob and buried his face in his hands as he shook. Please don’t let Alastair find me, he begged.

Castiel didn't have a car of his own, he had always just shared with Dean and when he left Dean he left the car as well leaving him without a vehicle. Whenever he had to go anyplace he would often walk, or if it was too far away he would ask Anna if he could borrow her jeep. Cas turned his phone on and sent a text to Anna asking if he could borrow her jeep for the night, he even promised to return it with a full tank of gas and freshly washed. Anna didn't mind Cas borrowing it and told him he really didn't have to, but accepted his offer anyways. Castiel was lucky enough to have such a great friend as Anna. After a week of staying with her she even gave him a key to the jeep in case he ever needed to borrow it while she was out with friends. 

 

Cas hopped into the jeep and pulled the GPS out of the glove compartment. He didn't know the area Dean said he was at and figured it was better safe than. He was just praying to god it wasn't in a bad neighborhood. "Turn right on Evensteen then continue straight for three and a half miles. Then take a left on Coopers St..." The robotic voice yelled at him. He hated the shit out of it, but knew if he didn't have it he would end up getting lost and who would he call to rescue him? Castiel looked down at the clock on the radio and was surprised by the time; it was now two in the morning. Where on earth was this party? Cas had been driving around for a good half hour before arriving at the destination he was given. 

 

Castiel pulled the car around to a side street that was empty and glanced around trying to see if he could spot Dean, but he couldn't. He really didn't want to get out, but if he must then so he shall. Cas slid the GPS back into the glove compartment and locked the doors as he stepped out of the car and started to walk towards the house.Castiel was disgusted by the sight that was before him: blaring music, lights dancing, people stumbling around drunk/or high as fuck and vomiting over the sideways and into the grass. How could people be so stupid and waste their lives away like this?

 

 "Have you seen a man named Dean Winchester? He is about yay high with light brown hair and emerald eyes?" He questioned every person he passed. 

 

"You looking for a good time, sweet thang?”,

 

"Why don't you come over here and press those sweet lips around my cock, boy,"

 

Castiel ignored the cat calls that were directed towards him and pushed through the crowds in search for the man he had come to rescue.

 

Dean had sat, shivering, waiting for Castiel, his panic was rising. Where was he? He'd promised he'd come. Cas had promised he'd come help him!

"Dean," he felt his blood run cold at the way someone purred his voice.

"Leave me alone," he whimpered curling up tighter in a ball. "Leave me alone!" He repeated louder but his voice still shook. No one paid him any attention, they didn’t care what Alastair did to people.

"Dean, Dean, Dean," Alastair sighed and he felt the taller man's hands wrap around his body; they slid down pinching his nipples and continued south until Alastair grabbed his cock roughly.

"Get off!" Dean yelped trying to move away, but Alastair was so much stronger.

"I know you want it, cock slut." Alastair sneered pulling him up and dragging him towards the bushes, he kicked and tried to call out but Alastair had shoved something in his mouth so only muffled noises came out. Alastair took him to the side of the house, which was hidden by bushes, and just pulled his pants down and roughly shoved in using only the blood, tiny bits of left over lube and his cum to make it easier. Dean tried to scream out but the gag choked him and Alastair's hands were wrapped around his neck tightly. He slumped, defeated, against the house sobbing as he was used. He couldn’t do anything to stop it, he was so pathetic. Finally when Alastair was done and had cum in his ass again he pushed him roughly to the ground and sneered,

 "See you around whore." Dean didn’t have the strength to move so he just shut his eyes and let the darkness take him.  
  
"Hey sweet cheeks," Meg purred wrapping her arms around the dark haired man. She giggled when she heard he was looking for Dean, "Oh I've seen him," she smirked, "He was sitting outside on the curb looking very dejected." Ruby who was beside them let out a snort,

"Alastair was looking for him, well according to Brady, Alastair found him," Ruby smirked her eyes lighting up in amusement.

"Alistair's been wanting Dean for months now." Bela agreed from where she was lounging on Crowley's lap.

"You looking for Dean?" Meg let out a groan at the sound of Benny's voice.Tthe kill joy was here. Benny's eyes widened when he spotted Cas and shot him a rueful smile, "Hey Cas," he mumbled. "Dean ran outside in a state and I tried to follow him but he told me to fuck off," he admitted chewing on his bottom lip. "He hasn’t come back inside yet, but I'll help you find him?" He offered unsure what Cas would say to that. He knew that his convincing Dean to sleep with him was the reason Cas broke up with him.  Dean hadn’t been sure and had kept mumbling Cas but Benny had said it wouldn’t matter. He'd just been in love with the guy for way too long, and the weed had led him to not think straight. He felt awful for what he'd done to their relationship. Castiel smiled at Benny's offer and nodded in response.

"Any help is accepted, thank you, Benny." Castiel let out, he was willing to put their term oil behind them for now. All that mattered was finding Dean before it was too late. Castiel didn't want to imagine the awful things Dean had been through tonight. It sent a shudder of pure horror and fear through him. "I'm going to search this way, will you check that direction?" Cas pointed and started to head off as soon as he seen Benny nod. Maybe he wasn't all that bad. Benny didn't seem like the normal crowd that Dean had attached himself to in the last few months, maybe Benny would turn out to be a good influence on Dean if they decided to continue their friendship. 

 

Castiel squeezed himself through crowds of people who were half dressed, some naked, then there was those who were fucking freely in the public eye. Cas tried his best not to touch anyone, he didn't want them to get the wrong idea about anything. Cas wasn't here for what these people were here for. So far there was no sign of Dean.

 

"I swear to god, if I find him before I find Dean," Cas growled as he shoved a couple who was fucking out of his passageway. "Get a fucking room!" He hollered as he watched them scramble up off the ground and move elsewhere. Castiel could only imagine what he looked like to the partygoers. Probably like the pissed off ex he was that was seeking revenge. Maybe he was? After what Dean told him, he couldn't help but feel like he had to protect Dean.  

 

Castiel finally made his way into the house and quickly found himself in the living room. Castiel was surprised by the sight that he seen. There he was, Alastair, lounging on a chaise lounge smiling and joking with his followers. Castiel couldn't hear what he was saying, he was still too far away, but one thing lead to another and he was standing before the man. He reached out and grabbed Alastair by the throat and pulled him up.

 

"I don't know who you think you are, but don't you ever fucking lay a hand on my man again you bastard!" Castiel tightened his grip until the man was chocking on his own spit. Cas let go of him and let him fall to him knees coughing to catch his breath. As soon as Alastair looked up at Castiel there was a fist coming at him. Castiel ducked out of the way and threw himself on top of the man. He straddled him, pinning him down punching him in the face without any restraint. When Castiel finally stopped Alastair was coughing up blood. His fists were bruised and he was covered in Alastair’s blood. 

 

"Cas?" He turned around and seen Dean, he was being carried by Benny. 

 

Dean hadn’t been conscious when Benny found him. He'd been lying face down in the dirt his pants down and his shirt even more torn. Benny had helped him up and awoken him,

 "Jesus Dean," he heard him mutter through the haze. He opened one eye and let out a sad pathetic whimper; his face was covered in streaming tears and smudged with dirt. On his neck the marks left by Alastair's hands were dark and intense,

"Leave me alone," he'd begged not sure who was touching him. Had Alastair come back for more? He couldn’t take more. He couldn’t take anymore. "Leave me alone!" He sobbed; he could feel hands pulling up his pants.

"It's alright Dean; it's me Benny," Dean opened his eyes wide and glanced up scared.

 "Benny?" He whispered biting down on his bottom lip.

"I got you Dean, Cas is just inside." Dean reached up a hand weakly and gripped Benny's hand.

"Cas," he mumbled before passing out again.

  
Benny sighed and picked Dean up and cradled him close. "It's okay Dean, we've got you." He promised not being able to stop himself from kissing the top of the green eyed boy's head and smoothing back his hair. He carried him back inside ignoring the jeers about how Dean was his little bitch. He walked into the living room and froze, there was Cas beating up Alastair with everyone watching in shock.

 "Cas!" Benny yelled his arms still wrapped around Dean, the boy was still passed out in his arms. "Stop it Cas, we've gotta help Dean!" He said urgently. "Killing Alastair won’t do anything," he said softly stepping forward and placing a hand on Cas' shoulder making sure he didn’t drop Dean. He was lighter than he used to be, the drugs, cigarettes and alcohol had caused him to lose a lot of weight, so he was easy for Benny to carry.

Castiel shuttered as he felt Benny's hand on his shoulder. Sure, killing him wouldn't help Dean, but it would make sure he never did it again. Never looked at Dean the way he did, think about him in such a foul way. He wanted to make him hurt. He wanted him to feel the pain that he had inflicted upon Dean. Poor, broken Dean. _His_ Dean. Cas looked down at the man and spat in his face,

 

"Don't you ever come near Dean again. If you do, I'll finish what I started here tonight. Let that be your first and only warning, Alastair." Castiel spit out and he pushed himself off the man. As Cas stood up he brushed himself off. Sure it wouldn't do much, it was blood after all, but he did it out of habit.   
  
It wasn't often that Castiel would lose his cool like this and when he did, he always regretted it later on, but this time there was no regret. This man deserved what he got. Dean didn't deserve what was done to him. Yes, Dean wasn't the perfect boyfriend, but no one was. He just had many faults as of late. Castiel wasn't sure what caused Dean to go down this path, but after tonight he felt like it was his duty to save him. To bring him back to recovery and make him whole again because right now he was broken down and shattered. He wasn't the same man that Castiel once loved and would do anything for.  

 

"Thanks for finding him, Benny. Can you help me get him to my car?" He asked watching as everyone backed away from Castiel as he walked through them. This time he didn't have to push through the crowds of people. This time they parted for him, like the Red Sea. He didn't care what they thought of him. The only thing he cared about at that moment was getting Dean to the car and to home so he could clean him up and treat his wounds before they got infected.  

 

"Of course," Benny nodded holding Dean close to his chest as he followed Castiel through the parted crowd of people.

"Benny?" Dean murmured his green eyes cracking open as he stared up at the taller boy looking lost, heartbroken and confused.

"I've got you brother," Benny promised gently brushing his thumb across Dean's cheek causing him to relax slightly.

"Cas?" He choked out, his throat was dry from his attempted screams as he'd tried to escape.

 "He's just in front of you," Benny said reassuringly, the corner of Dean's lips curled upwards for a second.

"Knew he'd come," he murmured before curling back up against Benny and starting to drift off.

"Try staying awake Dean." He heard Benny say and he opened one eye again slowly, he felt the bigger man lower him gently into the back of a car.

 "Cas," he mumbled again as he recognized the gravelly tones now talking to Benny.

"Are you going to take him to a hospital, if you want to charge Alastair then you need to go to the police as soon as possible to get the DNA tests," Benny asked Cas as Dean pushed himself upright before collapsing back on the seat. That had been a bad idea; he could feel something leaking out of him. Not sure if it was blood or cum, he didn’t know which idea made him sicker.

 "Don’t tell anyone," he croaked out, his voice cracking as he spoke. He felt a wave of nausea hit him and he leaned out the door and threw up before someone's hands held him gently and helped him lie back down. The vomit could have come from anything, the shock, the drugs etc. "Sorry," he whispered as his eyes started to close again, he felt so sleepy.

Castiel nodded as Benny spoke, but he wasn't sure if he would actually take Dean to the ER or not for the testing. Dean had already been through so much tonight, would he be able to handle giving the police a statement after being poked and prodded by the doctors?

 

 "We shall see, I'll ask him when he comes too." Cas looked away and down at the man who was crumbled up in the backseat. Cas turned back around and spoke softly to Benny, "If it were me I'd do it. You wouldn't have to ask me twice, but this is Dean we're talking about and you know how stubborn he can get. He has his reasons and I'm not sure if he would be willing to go through with this. Sure, it could bring justice to him erasure his safety, but at the same time it puts him at risk.

 

“ Alastair and his boys could come after Dean. It could do more harm than anything, but when he wakes I'll ask. It's the least I can do for him." Cas tried to give Benny a smile, to reassure him, but he knew it didn't come out like that. It was more pained and filled with worry. Castiel wasn't sure what he could really do for Dean, but he knew he had to do something. He couldn't leave Dean like this. It would only keep getting worse if no one had intervened.  

 

Cas and Benny spoke briefly to one another and Cas thanked him again for all his help. "If you ever need help with him, let me know, brother." Benny backed away from the car and waved before turning back around heading back towards the music. Castiel was about to get into the driver seat when he saw Dean shoot up and vomit out the window. He grabbed hold of Dean; wanting to be sure he was okay before laying him back down.

 

"Do you want to press charges, Dean?" Castiel whispered to the man as he swiped his palm across his mouth, brushing the excess vomit off his face. "I need to know, Dean, it's important." He brushed Dean’s hair out of his face and waited for an answer from him. 

 

Dean stared up weakly at Cas and shook his head, "No," he whimpered curling up tighter as he shook. "Just wanna go home," he begged as he stared up at the dark haired boy. Why was Cas being so nice to him? He didn’t deserve it. He'd slept with Benny whilst they were still together, he was a fucking pathetic druggie, and he'd hadn’t been able to stop Alastair from using him. The tall man had just been so strong.

"Tried to stop him, I’m sorry," he whispered chewing on his bottom lip. The taste of vomit in his mouth made him want to throw up all over again, but he couldn’t, he didn’t want Cas to leave him. Finally he felt Cas let him go and sit back in the driver’s seat, the soft rocking of the car as they drove lulled him back to sleep.

Castiel sighed as he laid Dean back down on the seat. He wasn't going to go against his wishes, but he really wished Dean would have said yes. Would have been willing to go and get the tests done. How were they going to press charge now? The evidence would be gone in no time.

"It's okay, I've got this," Cas said to himself, repeating it as he drove down the road. He knew he couldn't take Dean back to Anna's place like this, so that only meant one thing, he was going to have to take Dean back to their house. It sounded so foreign now. He hadn't been back there since the break up. Heck, for all he knew Dean could have sold all their possessions for money to get his next kick.   
  
Before he knew it he was pulling into their driveway and turning the ignition off. He wasn't sure how he was going to get Dean into the house all on his own, but he couldn't leave him out here all night. "Dean, Dean, I need you to help me get you inside." He shook Dean waking him up. He watched as the man tried to heave himself up and reached out for Castiel’s hand. Cas grabbed hold of his hand and helped him out of the vehicle. Dean had his one arm wrapped around Castiel’s waist and the other holding his hand. By the time they made it to the door Cas hand fished out his keys and let the door swing open. He led Dean into the house and helped him to the couch before going to the kitchen for a wet rag and a basin so he could clean Dean up. 

Dean collapsed down on the sofa his head in his hands. Their place was a state, he hadn’t done much since Cas had moved out, he hadn’t felt inclined too. There were still shards of glass in the corner along with the discarded frame of the photo of the two of them he'd thrown at a wall. Jo had saved the photo, she was the only reason he was probably still even alive. She forced him to class, dragged his ass to the shops and spent more time at his than at her crappy little dorm room. The kitchen was littered with cereal boxes because that was all Jo ever ate. The meal he'd attempted to make a couple of days ago was still in the sink and the fridge was pretty much empty of anything nutritious. Jo had been away for a few days but she would be back tomorrow. Jo had been his best friend since they were seven, even though she'd had a huge ass crush on him that lasted until junior year of high school it had never been a problem.

His hair was flopping forward on his face and he watched Cas thoughtfully through his lashes. God he'd screwed up so royally, Cas would never take him back now. He wasn’t just a fuck up; he was a dirty, used, pathetic fuck up. He was a whore like Alastair had said; he'd deserved what he got. He knew Cas would want him to report Alastair but he couldn’t, it meant people finding out how pathetic he was, and even though his own family tried to pretend he didn’t exist now, he couldn’t stand to see the disappointment in their eyes when they realized he was such a loser. He couldn’t have Sam find out. Also Alastair would hurt his friends if he told, he knew that. He shot Cas a weak smile as the blue eyed boy tried to clean him up, how could Cas stand to look at him anymore?

Castiel returned from the kitchen with a handful of rags and basin filled with warm water. He knew Dean should have gone to the hospital, they could have done better than what Castiel could do, they were trained after all. He sighed as he caught sight of the man he once loved and lived for. He was broken and beaten. There was blood everywhere and cuts in varying degrees. All he could do was try his best.

 

"I'll always save you, Dean Winchester, always," Castiel spoke softly, not wanting the man to be stirred as he sat down next to him. He placed the basin on the coffee table and let the rags soak in the water. He pulled Dean closer to him, letting the man rest his head in Castiel’s lap. Cas let his fingers glide through Deans sweaty, sticky hair hoping it would ease Dean some. His body was limp, yet tense. Castiel couldn’t blame him after what he had been through. 

 

"After all, I am your guardian angel," Castiel smiled, a soft crooked smile as he remembered Dean calling him that many  times when they were still dating. He untangled his hands from the man’s messy hair and reached for a rag. He pressed it gently on Dean’s skin, absorbing the grim that had started to harden the males pale, freckle ridden body. He washed away all the wear and tear, making sure he cleaned every nook and cranny on Dean that he could. He didn't want him waking up in the morning to see any of the left over filth from the night before. Cas washed most of his body off, but he knew he had to get Dean out of his clothes and really cleaned off before he could bandage the wounds that covered his body.

 

"Dean, you need a shower," Cas whispered into the man’s ear, watching as Dean peeked up at him. 

 

Dean stared at Cas his eyes full of love, despite the brokenness in them, "My angel," he murmured teasingly the corner of his mouth quirking up in a small smile. He let out a small whimper as Cas cleaned a cut and winced despite himself, God he was pathetic. He shrunk into himself slightly at the word shower, he didn’t want a shower, well he did as he loved showers and he knew the water pressure on their shower was great. But he wouldn’t be able to stand up in the shower alone, and he couldn’t bear for Cas to have to see him with blood on his thighs, or someone else’s cum all over him. There were even some in his hair from where Alastair had wiped his hands. The idea of Cas washing that out of his hair made him feel sick, even if he did love how gently Cas washed his hair and he did admit he bought his shampoo for the apple smell...

"I know you don't feel up to it, Dean, but you really need to get cleaned up. I need to patch you up and bandage your wounds. You don't want to risk infection." Castiel looked down at Dean with pleading eyes. Before he knew it Dean was sitting up and trying to stand on his own two feet. All they had to do was make it up the stairs and hang a right to get to the bathroom. After that it should all be smooth sailing. "Let's go, I'll help you walk," Cas purred as he stood up and grabbed hold of Dean. He stayed close to the man, letting him lean on him, applying most of his weight to his shoulder. It was almost like Castiel was a crutch for Dean. Castiel smiled at that, in a way, he had always been a crutch for the man. He was always there supporting him up till recently. At that he sighed, maybe he should have given Dean a chance, maybe he should have stuck around and tried to help him, maybe if he had this would have never happened to Dean. Castiel was filled with nothing but what ifs and maybes and it killed him. He suddenly felt so guilty for not being there when Dean needed him the most. He had only thought about himself and the emotions that were going through him when it all first went down. 

 

As Castiel lead Dean up the stairs he looked around their place. It was still the same as when he left, other than the haphazard mess. How had Dean lived like this and for so long? Castiel shook his head and directed Dean to the right into the bathroom.

 

"Sit here," he ordered as he placed Dean on the toilet. He looked like he could at least handle that. Castiel walked over to the shower and turned it on, letting the warm water fall and steam up the bathroom. "Clothes, off," he demanded to Dean, watching as he tentatively removed his clothes, exposing himself to Cas. Castiel was in shock at what he saw. That was when he knew what he did to Alastier was right. He deserved everything in which he reaped. Castiel helped Dean into the shower.

 

"One moment," he gave one of those slow crooked smiles that Dean loved. Castiel stripped out of his clothes, letting them fall to the ground. Next thing he knew he was naked in the shower with Dean. He pressed his hand along Deans back slowly allowing the water to wash over them. 

 

Dean bit down on his lip hard as Cas helped him up the stairs, he'd never been in this much pain before. The first time Cas had fucked him hadn’t hurt this much. He blushed all over as Cas undressed him and tried not to throw up at the sight of himself. There were the bruises on his neck from the strangling, as well as a dark hickey Alastair had given him. His stomach and thighs were littered with bruises, and mud was still all over him. He was disgusting. He rubbed his eyes viscously to make sure no tears fell, he couldn’t cry. He couldn’t be more pathetic.

 "Cas-" he murmured unable to look away when the other man undressed. He was just as gorgeous as he remembered; it hurt to see him like that and know he'd never get to see it again. He couldn’t believe that he'd chosen Benny over Cas even for a second, he may have been drugged out of his mind, but still. It was so stupid of him, he wished he could promise Cas that he was at least clean now, but he wasn’t. He bit down on his bottom lip in an attempt to smother his moan from the feel of the water, but he couldn’t.

Castiel grazed his fingers over Deans body, washing all the blood, dirt, and cum off Deans tattered and worn body. He could hardly hold himself up; Dean had to brace his hands against the shower wall in order to stand without falling. Castiel pressed against Dean as he reached over him for the shampoo, he smiled seeing it was his brand that he used to use when they were together.  He didn't think Dean paid attention to things like that, frivolous small things. Dean had always seemed like one of those guys who didn't care about things like that and pay attention to the small details of his significant other so just knowing this brought a smile to his face.

 

"I see you still crave my smell," he whispered as he squeezed the clear liquid into his palm, lathering it into Dean’s hair. After Castiel finished his hair he soaped up the man’s body, carefully scrubbing the disgust off the man. He knew better than to let Dean do that, he would have rubbed himself raw over and over again, without stopping until he felt satisfied. "Turn," Castiel murmered as he helped Dean turn, facing him straight on now. Dean surprised Castiel, he reached out for him, placing his hands on Castiel’s hips, resting them there as he rested his head on Castiel’s shoulder. 

 

He watched as the man’s body shook, it wasn't out of being cold, it felt like fear and sorrow. His body twitched against Castiel’s as he let the water pour down on them. Castiel wasn't sure, but he could have sworn Dean was crying on his shoulder. He didn't say anything; just let the man be as they stood under the water together in the first time in ages. 

 

"Oh shut up," Dean mumbled smiling softly when Cas teased him about the shampoo. He liked the smell of apples... He spent that entire time trying not to break down in tears due to what he had lost, what had been done to him and how this was probably the last time Cas would care for him this way. "I love you," he murmured more to himself than Cas, he buried his head in Cas' shoulder unable to hide the way he was shaking. He still wasn’t sure if it was coming down from the drugs or his grief, tears streamed down his face and he didn’t have the strength to wipe them away. "Thank you Cas," he whispered finally pushing himself back up right and smiling weakly.

Castiel wrapped his arms around Dean, wanting to offer him reassurance and comfort. He knew this was hard on him, and he had every right to act out or break down. He held Dean close to his body, letting their bodies mesh; it was just like old times, just without all the heated passion between the two of them. It was like they were a puzzle piece, they fit so perfectly when together. Where Dean was tall, Castiel was short, but he held his own when the man towered over them. Castiel always loved their height difference, sure, Dean might have been the taller one, but that didn't mean he was the more dominant one, Castiel always trumped Dean in that.   

 

When Cas heard what Dean said while resting on his shoulder he seized up, he didn't know how to respond. Did he still love Dean? Should he tell him he still loved him too? Castiel was taken aback, and tightened his grip around Dean.  Soon after Dean had pulled away, breaking their embrace and attempted to smile weakly.

 

 "It's not a problem, Dean; I'll always be here to save you." Castiel stated half heartedly. He watched as Dean rinsed the remains of the body soap off, he closed his eyes and let his hands roam over his body, pushing the soapy mess off him and into the drain. Castiel couldn't help but stair at Dean, he moved closer to the man and planted a tender kiss on Dean’s lips, he watched as Deans eyes flashed open in surprise by Cas' actions. Cas backed away and pushed himself as close to the shower wall as he could. Maybe he still did have feelings for him; maybe he still did love this man. 

 


End file.
